UNDER THE WILLOW

saturday september 2.

I found myself searching for a fallset that was meeting my mood.
Ofcourse I couldn't find anything!!
I'm not in the mood for autumn, as it isn't autumn here.
It's dull, and dark, but it's still summer.
We're dealing with harvest, but the only leaves that fall are those that dried out at the beginning of winter. It went so quick that the trees and shrubs didn't even have the chance to cut them off.
They just shrank and that was it.

Yesterday I was asked for coffee at the woman whose husband went with Jim the other evening to fetch Nyo's bycicle.
Like I expected I first got the whole litany.
The meaning was clear: they don't get a bike for their kids, so they won't get it for others.
He had been bussy all day, and we shouldn't have called to ask for their help.
It was the first time in oh so many years we asked for help. Last time Jim needed his special drill, and it was given with pleasure.

Well, I said nothing, and just acted listening.
Whenever she needs a babysitter, needs someone to watch the house, animals and plants for three weeks, needs someone to jump in rightaway before 8 in the morning, she calls us and we're always there. Get almost never a thank-you.
It's clear she doesn't realise how she relies on us and her parents to jump in, so she can sport, go to dinner, parents-evenings etc. without a worry in the world.

Well, I swallowed and said nothing....drank the one cup of coffee that she thought was worth spending on me, and went.

It's a pity I don't have the luxury of being able to choose "friends".
But it makes clear I feel much better with my friends online.

Today the bagpipe lessons started again.
Only for the kids this week, because the band had to perform at a Keltic festival at the time of our lesson.
For a long time I planned to go with them, but again I didn't go.
We needed too much groceries, and all the kids were at home.

So I was fully in function all day.

Life is a paradox.
here I am, leading a life no one would choose, not having been on vacation in 20 years, trying to convince other women that it's important they can make the choices they want to make.

I've been able to remember quite some dreams this week.
At the beginning of the week I was dreaming of painting a huge dolphin. It was curved in the back, head backwards to the topleft.
It was a great paining. Rather large.
yesterday I woke up after a was running for someone with a girl.
Today the dream was a bit more calm. I don't know exactly anymore, but it had to do with something creative and textiles.

thursday august 31.

Again Stef went to bed far too late.
So I was knackered this morning.
But the kids went to school fine. I didn't even forget Nyo's meds.

Then I tried to get Stef to school.. He said yesterday he had to go at 8.30.
He went after 10...
I was rather stressed that he went to school too late, but he told me he had these hours off. He had made a mistake at looking at his schedule.
And the guy didn't even bother to tell his mum!

It's like pouring all advice for good behaviour, all good upbringing in a large vessel with an open bottom....

Then Lars came home.
He came back from hospital where he had some bloodwork done.
Nothing special, so he wanted to go alone.

Well, he nearly passed out when he wanted to stand up and walk away. Had to lie down on doctor's orders.
They didn't even ask if he was a diabetic or anything.
He got a bit of water.
Nothing else offered. I can't believe it. He had to come there fasting, and they send him home with a bit of water, instead of some bread or a cup of tea with sugar.
Time to comment on their protocol...

At home he felt better soon after eating.
Well, I offered yesterday and this morning to go with him, but he didn't want me to.
I bet next time he'll take someone with him.

Later the day again he got very white and dizzy. Probably low blood pressure, not uncommon at his age. But I'm curious his bloodresults will show something.

Nyo came home all irritated. he had walked all the way from school to house, because the back tire of his bike ran loose.
He put the bike somewhere and we can only hope no-one cares to steal it.
It's on a very simple lock...

So I thought Jim would fetch it and come with it by train.As the bike is very near a railwaystation.
No, he went to M. and asked if her husband would drive him there.
Oh my gosh, he gets lazier by the day!!

Well, as I expected they were not jumping from joy to be able to help.
They always expect others to jump in, but they feel it's just normal others help immediately.
I never ask...nor does Jim. But this time...
Well, when her husband came home he went with Jim and they were sooner back than I even could imagine.
Wow! A car really makes a difference. Between 15 minutes and more than 2 hours!

My hip is aching again...

wednesday august 30.

The last days of august already.
And the rain still pours and pours.

Yesterday we had two really nasty thunder and lightning showers with loads of hail and everything else. Including lightning stucking the powerlines of the trains.
It was so bad that at Lars's school the ceiling of the main hall started to leak.
None knows how that could have happened, but it did.
Lars said buckets were all over the place and still not all the spitterspatter and leaking was caught.

I finally got a mail back from the clientservice of the company that had to deliver the fixation-thing between washer and dryer.
It will be delivered next week and we'll get it for free.
Well, I don't know how much a thing like that costs, but it sure doesn't compensate for all the extra work I had because I couldn't use a dryer.
Laundry for 8 people....and with this weather!
***sigh***.
I'll be happy when everything is fixed and I can put the things back in the bathroom that were there before.
The dryer takes too much room and I'm fed up with it.

Maybe that shopmanager thought to sell cheap dryers and pull people a financial ear of by making them pay lots for a fixationthing. Who knows.

Went to the doc this morning with Djenne. She has eczema at and in her ear.
Well, it might be psoriasis, but that won't make a difference.
The hearingtest will be done at another date.

Lars has bulbs/growths in his neck. The grow and disappear, but they won't stay away.
They're not only at lymph nodes, so I worry.
It's not pfeiffer, he's tested for that.
Well, the doc didn't know what it is, so it's bloodworks again tomorrow.

Nyo came from school very agitated.
He was angry that the teacher didn't keep the group in order. He wasn't able to concentrate because the kids were all "hyper".
So it's time to meet the new mentor and inform him, as he clearly hasn't read Nyo's files and hasn't informed all the other teachers.

Heard some irish songs I used to sing with a band a long long time ago.
I have the sheatmusic and lyrics somewhere. Either in a drawer or somweher else at the attick.
This girly is gonna find the lot!!

monday august 28.

Last july was (one of) the hottest month(s) ever and it broke all records.
This august was the wettest month ever and broke all records.

Someone up there must think we have only waterplants here.

I went outside for a bramble.. but the ripe ones were all smashed by the rain.
What a waste.
I can only hope the seeds will turn into new plants.

I did a lot of work today.
With the kids to school, only for a couple of hours with them all gone, I could walk around the house the way I wished, leave things and find them exactly back the way I'd left them.
But which was far more important: I could think without being interrupted.

augustus 27.

This should have been a day to town.
There's a medieval festival and I would love to go there.

I think we won't go.

Contrary to the expectations it rains and is grey and dark. And I've got a headache.
Last evening Stef again refused to go to sleep before 2.30 in the night...

Sleeping problems is a characteristic of his syndrome, but there are good meds that would help him (and me), but he refuses to take them.
He doesn't realise yet that living at his own on a base of protection does mean that someone tells him to go to sleep there too.
It might take up to 2 years on a waitinglist, but maybe there are ways to speed things up.
When I get the applicationform this week I'll make an appointment with a special agency that helps with the application.
I'm sure I can fill it in as well as they do, but maybe matters will go faster when they're involved.

Yesterday Jim went to get the rest of my meds and to pay the ten euro that should be paid and then it turned out it was over a hundred.
Their new billing system involved not sending the bill to the insurance for glocosestrips and lancets.
I don't use insuline, because that's contraindicated with my metabolic disorder, and with tablets one doesn't get glucosestrips paid by the insurance.

I already was using lesser strips than needed, and this way...

It makes me sick thinking I can't do without control.
I'm one of the people who doesn't feel the difference between a hypo and a hyper (not enough and too much sugar in the blood), which means I can get unconscious when I don't monitor my glucose.

It got me so angry that I immediately filed a complaint, because someone guaranteed me last week on the phone that the new billingsystem only would be a help for me, not a burden.

It makes me feel that it doesn't matter what I do with my health, which I have called: medical depression. LOL!
The whole medical business makes people feel sick!

Next wednesday I'll accompany Lars and Djenne to the doc. He'll be surprised how much fatter I've become this vacation.
Well, that happens when one is stuck within the house.

On a more pleasant tone: yesterday I wanted to use a bit of ginger for cooking and found... the ginger alive with a nice new bit of green. So I'll have a gingerplant.
I had one before and it died. I don't know if it needs sun or not, lots of water or not.
Today it's going into a little pot and we'll see.

In the garden only one Dahlia made it, and now it's displaying the beginning of a flower.
I can't wait.
I love dahlia's, especially the huge ones of deep red.
I don't know which one this is, but it's a very tall one. About 1 meter 80.