november 11 2006
After the so-maniest ordeal with Lars I was so tired, I just did the things to do and started looking for girls kilts on internet.
The twins want kilts for their birthday and they have seen quite some fake ones looking rather OK for 5 euro.
Most were too small, and the ones that weren't were already sold.
If I wouldn't have internet, I would go nuts here.
I seriously doubt if the way this society deals with parenthood is the right one.
You're either a good or a bad parent.
And it's not judged upon the way you deal with your children, but on the way they behave.
It's like you're at school and have to do a science test. You can be the best, but if you have broken material, you'll fail.
Oh yes, we can ask for help.
From the first moment on, you're registered and even when you move to another area, you're still registered.
It freaks me out that Lars doesn't go to school.
I can't understand.
Thami has tried to talk to him and Lars said he thinks school is far too easy.
A mutal friend had told Thami that when Lars was at school he just got very high grades.
So that made me think that maybe he could apply for a work-learning place.
That's where young people like him are allowed to work a couple of days in a week, and go to school only one day a week or even a month.
I still think something is bothering Lars and makes him angry at the world.
I think he's also dealing with the knowledge he has a spectrumdisorder too.
It's clearly genetic here. It runs in Jim's family and my mother was kind-of-autistic/Pdd-NOS too.
I don't feel comfortable with the thought that I enjoyed Jim being so quiet, when we met and married.
Looking back: it was the first time in my life (apart from my father and grandmother) someone accepted me without wanting to change me.
Even my best friend has told me to put Nyo in a mental institution and throw Stef out of the door.
She has a soft spot for Lars, but when I asked her to talk to him, because maybe she could establish a bond and talk to him about how he feels, she backed out.
Haven't seen or heard from her for months.
When I met Jim I should have sensed there was something not OK.
He was the most handsome guy of the university, but had no girlfriends. I encountered quite some jealous girls, but nothing more.
I enjoyed the way he was calm, untill it was far too late, and I realised I had to deal with his emotions and mine after the death of Jenny.
He wasn't there when I had the hysterectomy... never was there...
We divorced two years ago, but reversed it just before it was completed a 100%, because the government changed so many things, I would never have been able to care for all the children on my own. Financially I mean. Not with 3 or 4 kids with special needs.
And I can cope with him still living in the house...most of the time.
But in times like these...
He comes in handy to have two grown ups setting out the rules and borders.
But decisions are almost always mine.
And towards school and such a complete family helps too. They're less inclined to think that the upbriging is faling and less inclined to say that :ars's problems are caused by a divorce.
They have nothing to blame it on, so they have to look at him.
And they're just as puzzled as we are.
That's why they waitied to put him on the list of no-goers.
But he is now, and it's only a matter of time before we're ordered to face the board, and if the new government is a bit on the right-from-centre side, we'll be in court within a month after he's reported.
We'll get a huge fine. Which I refuse to pay, as I have done everything I could. So I'll go to prison, but not before I'll make the press aware of what's going on.
As parents we are forced to take a course on how to raise children. (which will be interesting... We can't force him into a car and throw him out at the door of the schoolpricipal, because we don't have a car. If we had, I would, even if it meant to tie him into a thick rope. So the only thing is to kick him out of the house which I'll do within the hour. All the other theoretical sulotions have failed.)
So I hope the course will be roleplaying and such, so I can have fun making the best of it. But oh the shame to be there!!
And Lars will be taken to a kind of prisondrill camp. Which probably won't break him.. otherwise we would have managed to do so.. but make him even more averse from society, and maybe even more a mental case.
november 10 2006
Lars skipped school again.
For the first time the school observed it straightaway and called us.
We didn't know where he was...
He's noted.
So that was an argument again.... He told his bycicle broke down, and indeed he came home without it.
That's the second bycicle in 6 months he crashed to ruins. (he only gets second or somaniest hand ones, but still.)
I feel sad, helpless, disappointed and everything else, including afraid we'll get the police at the door and childcare accusing us to be bad parents.
School backed out when we told them Lars is experiencing problems that need attention of a psychologist, and he has an appointment for next week.
Jim doesn't care anymore... so it comes down to me.
I'm glad the psychologist wanted to see Lars. He's an old friend of me, from the university years. He's good, especially for teenagers.
He was rather a bad puberty item himself, untill he was thirty, so he can understand. LOL!
He doesn't want to see me accompany Lars. To make clear to Lars that he himself is responsible, and to give me the opportunity to talk with his collegue, if necessary.
I had a headache all day, even before Lars was acting up.
And on top of it all I was too bussy to note the time and was too late to go to bagpipe exercise.
Luckily it rained very badly, so it softened my feelings to miss out. LOL!
The girls have their birthday the 18th, so I'm trying to find out what they want for a present.
Any ideas??
october 6 2006
Last week I got a reaction to my complaint about the department of psychiatry. To be specific, about the psychiatrists Stef had to deal with, the long procedure, bad report.
I was so very mad after reading that letter!!!
Later in the letter he stated that I hadn't been assertive enough.
Well, that really got to me in a bad way.
So I climbed my chair after making a cup of good strong coffee, and used my rissen hearbeat to let my fingers fly over the keyboard.
I hate complaining, I hate people who are chairman of a complaint board. He's a doc, and I know him from way before he was pushed to the chair from gyneacology and oncology.
Well, if you're a good doc for the people, you'll keep your job at the clinic, won't you?
So I told him that it was his job to see through the self defences of the department. That ofcourse we had different stories, otherwise there would be no complaint, and that it was not his job to tell me to be assertive about the treatment of my chronologically/legally grown up son.
He should care about quality, and the good name of the hospital, because they are directly linked to the subsidies and overall budget given by the insurances.
Also told him I had been assertive, but that we were also dependent upon them at psychiatry.
He told us we should have gone elsewhere...we told him that after a waitinglist of 3 months, we couldn't afford to go to another waitinglist, because we needed the psychiatric report to go for a grant for schoolsupport for Stef.
And, as a fact, we weren't able to apply for a grant, because their paperwork wasn't accepted, so Stef lost a year.
And this year the same problem.
Even more interesting. He urged the department to send us a good report and we never received one. Told him that reflects 1. the position of the complaintboard, and 2. the arrogance of messiness of psychiatry.
I was so very mad, that I pointed out that his letter reflected he only looked at the interpersonal relationships, whereas he's better looked at protocols and the violation of ethics, and, even more important, the violation of proper conduct of medics.
Said I could see by the way he reacted that he's only opened the computerlogs about us and made wrong conclusions.
he said there were no more appointments made because we didn't trust the psychiatrists there.
Wrong! We even tried to get an appointment for treatment, but they only gave us psycho-education as an option, whereas I wanted individual treatment and support in finding and getting a place to live for Stef.
That man is nuts! Because we said no to that psycho-education he drew the conclusion we didn't trust the department.
hahaha....
In fact he is right... there one bag of rotten arrogant apples, but don't tell them.
So I made a list of all reasons why we declined psycho-education, like: followed the course elsewhere, I'm a psychologist, Stef couldnt stay away from school, etc.
I finished with urging him to look into the matter in a proper way, or otherwise inform me so I can go to the health inspection, inform the instutions that use their reports, and take further steps.
I'm not assertive?
I wasn't in the old days, long ago ....but I am now. LOL!
After that I treated myself to get a member at Whuddleworld, and was surprised and happy to see many friends.
It's great to be there, although I thought the quizzes at the beginning a huge pile to work through. Far too much and far too boring.
And it took an eternity to get to a level to be able to join a club.
But I'm now part of the roleplayers and I love it.
If you join, pweeze use mollypolly as referral. That's me.
And don't forget to invite me as your friend.
I also joined a pixievillage, but I haven't discovered how it works yet.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't have been so much online, but I had the flu and I still don't feel well.
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