Nyo is with his school to a museum... one and a half hours drive from here.
It's always a worry when he goes away, because he can't deal well with all the excitement.
So I asked Jim if he was able to take him home, in case... (He works in the same town as the museum), but he backed out.

A few hours before going to bed Nyo told us he didn't know if he had to gove a presentation or not.
Meaning he hadn't written dowen his homework and lied about it.
Well, we couldn't reach any teacher at that time, so it's up to him to solve the problem he has created.
Luckily it's with his former mentor, who is very understanding.

Stef talked to me yesterday..once.
Today he overslept badly, as he goed to bed far too late.
I try to see it as a confrontation fo rhim with his abilities to manage himself.
He wants to live on his own. And he sure can't.
Oversleeping and not going to school isn't the way a responsible grown up deals with himself.

Lars is getting nervous for his two weeks trip to Spain.

The only one in high spirits it Thami. He went to aikido friday and yesterday and he really likes it.
He needs special clothing, but I've told him he has to wait untill he is accepted as a member.
His enthousiasm is always very big, untill something happens he doesn't like and then he wants to stop.

The girls aren't too happy as their favorite teacher is ill.

It's so strange. I've been paining my memory but I can't remember any teacher to be ill when I was under 12.
Doctors, teachers, they seemed to be so much more reliable.

Wrote the consumersorganisation about the way they deal with their breastcancerinformation.
Last year I persuaded them to make their info available for non-members too, so thgey opened up an investigation they did about hospital care.
Now they have more info about all the hospitals in the country, and it's only for members.
I can't believe healthcare information is withheld from the general public, especially not when it's about breastcancer in the breastcancer awareness month.
Imagine someone who is a member gets better care than someone who isn't able to afford this.
If they haven't replied well this afternoon, I'll take it to a political party.

Strangely enough it took away the stress everyone lays on me.

I've been searching on internet for payable celtic earrings. A bit special...and very payable.
And they should be here on saturday at last.
After a while I shifted to an eye catching necklace.
Found one and took some time away to do the laundry. Then came back and it was still nice, but also a large peace of iron around my neck.LOL!

The band asked for volunteers for the open day of sunday. And I'm OK with that. But I don't want one of those green T-shirts... They are ghastly!

October already and the days are still warm.
Went to the bagpipeband yesterday in the early morning just in my t-shirt! (Well, also was wearing trousers. LOL!)

Woke up this morning with a firm headache.

Wanted to work at the site, but I really miss my old one. (That was hacked and deleted.)
I've found the old gifties and uploaded them.
But I can't find the trick and treat main page.
There was a kind of bag. I made one myself, but there was also a great prefab one.

In the evening thunder and lightning really had a good go here.
I think the lightning struck not too far from here, as it sounded very fierce and crashy, and later I heard the firebrigade.
The rain was pouring out so hard, I was a bit afraid to go outside under the temporary roof we made outside to keep us dry when moving to the shed.

Late in the evening Jim had a look to see why he still couldn't reach the __.
This time he could and they have transferred the grants for the children. (I got a grant for two of the boys who are disabled.)
The plan was to buy something just for me, from it, and I'd planned to buy champer bagpipes or smallpipes.
When I had a look they had gone up in prize so much...I don't dare to talk about it anymore.
What a disappointment.
I know they will pay themselves back when I do paid performances, but the rise in price after currency conversion is really bad.
Wish I could find womeone who travels to my country and is able to take one with him or her.

So let's dream on.

This week will be a very bussy one.
Extra bagpipe rehearsal at wednesday-evening to prepare for the exam on saturday.
On thursday I have to go to the psychiatrist with Nyo. And this time Jim is going too, so that means having him all day around.
And I have to pack Lars's bags. He'll leave saturday after my bagpipe exam. So I wonder how nervous I am on saturday...

saturday
september 30 2006

Went to bagpipe lesson on the bycicle again.
No pain.
Just enjoying looking around and forgetting the time, as I went far too early.

At lesson the teacher suddenly stood beside me and I said without thinking: "creep!".

They all had a laugh and he smiled.
I said sorry... etc. You know.

Then he wanted attention and started telling the door had been open this morning during the first lessons and now the schoolprincipal had told he didn't want us to have our lessons and rehearsals anymore.
Finely he pointed out that we have free coffee there, plenty of space to practice without hearing otrhers, the parc nearby so the band can practice there too, etc etc.
He was told to hand in the keys and to look for another place to stay.

We were all smashed... but there was something... something....

Then he said again he had to hand in the keys on monday.... but on monday the schoolprincipal is far away to a congress.. I had just read that on the board.
I said nothing.

Then everyone was devastated he said he also had good news...
It was the last warning to keep the doors closed.
He wanted all the keys back as he was responsible, but we could stay untill the next time.

Later I appologised again for saying "creep", and he said he felt found out by me. As it was such a gutreaction.

During the lesson things went less than at home.
oh I hate that! Being too tired, whereas I play it at home fluently and with loads of pleasure.

Then the other woman-pupil started talking.
That we did so bad at the exam...she was afraid to be kicked out and she had such a bad week.
Ofcourse she was reassured we won't be kicked out after one failed exam... To be precise, said the teacher, it was decided it was not taken. They themselves had made the mistake of having us play for two hourts before starting the exam. By then we were simply too tired.
So next week they'll start immediately. (Pfff... as if I'm not tired early in the morning.)

Then the woman said she didn't understand why she did so bad.
"Maybe you want to be too good", the teacher said.
She mumbled something and he asked her if she was a perfectionist.
She answered it wasn't perfectionism and then started to ask her question again.
"Well", the teacher said, "if it's stress, there are techniques I can teach you and you'll overcome that.
But I think you want to be better than others."

Silence.................

After that I had to play and I flunked the song completely. LOL!
He just told me I played too fast...
I did.

When walking back after the lesson, the teacher and I both walked to the kanteen. The others left.
He told me I'd better follow my intuïtion more often.

Yes, he's right.
Often my brains take over, and at times they certainly shouldn't.

We sat down and another member said I'm a bagpiper by heart.
The band is like a large family and it's about following your feelings and belonging together.
I just should follow my intuition.

Then I said that follwing my intuïtion brings me often into "fighting" situations, like with psychiatry about the children.
Even when I know I'm right I back out because I know I won't win.

We had a short, but good talk, and when I left I felt very OK.
I still have a lot to learn before I'll get my highland bagpipes, but I know I can do it.

These men have not followed the common advice to wait with buying bagpipes untill they have reached a certain part of the book.

I feel I need smallpipes.. I want to play... find my way on the instrument... get the right feeling.
If I had smallpipes I could earn a bit of money myself and break loose from all the turning and turning of each single coin.



Following my intuïtion...
How I want to break free from everything here and travel and enjoy life.....

thursday
september 28 2006

Time flies!
And I'm exercising like mad to overcome the skipped bagpipe lessons.
The exam is next week, just before Lars leaves for his two-week trip to France and Spain.
So that won't be a relaxed exam at all.

Yesterday Jim went to the parents meeting of Stef (ADD and Asperger) and came home quite disturbed.
He already came too late twice, even though we're (uhh...I am) trying like madness to get him out of the house in time each morning.
Except for last week, as he is still not talking.

His attitude at school is not optimal too. Jim made clear that we worry too about him getting worse.
I have almost all paperwork ready for special support for Stef.
Today he said to Jim he wanted to move out of the house in december.
He seems to loose contact with reality. LOL!
I hope he doesn't expect us to pay his rent. Because if we could afford to houses, we would have two.

It saddens me what's happening.
And the problem is that I have no influence at all...well...I have:
when I start behaving like he's my boss, and this mom is not ready to do so.