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Welcome to my journal.
It's about my life, my feelings and my family with 6 children.
The twinsgirls of 10: Yinti and Djenné.
Nyo (14, autistic), Thami (15, dyslectic and ADHD), Lars (17), Stef (20 ADD and Asperger), and their father (PDD-Nos, autistic traits).
This blog is not written to offend, but it's a way to vent.
I'm allowed to. I'm managing a nuthouse. LOL!
You can find the tributes
:: here ::
saturday 9 sept
Woke up after I was dreaming.
The ancor woman of the regional TV saw me at the busstop when I was on my way to the bagpipe band.
She looked closely at my mouth and said she wanted to take me with her.
So I went and we came to the same school we're having our lessons, and I had to wait for a screentest.
In the meantime I asked if she could do something with the band too.
And then I woke up, and the sun was shining and I didn't feel as rotten as yesterday.
That was a bad day!!
I got a mail friday-afternoon that the classromm assistant for Nyo is not in the budget this year.
So I have to apply for a budget myself.
I contacted an organisation that can help with the forms by mail, asking for an appointment, mentioning date and time.
I felt such a need to be concrete and not waiting for them to ask me to come there at an inconvenient time.
Later that evening I saw there was a kind of whiskytour in the city last weekend of this month.
Scottish whisky. I thought it would be fun to go there with some people of the band, but then saw the prize. 150 euro. Forget it!!!
Well, it's all drinks and a BBQ at the river at 3.30 in the night included, but 150 would be a great savings for my bagpipes. If I had the money.
Stupid rich people...
So I mailed them. Telling we have a wonderful Bagpipes and Drumsband in our town. If they have thought to involve them. LOL!
Found a scam in the mail telling me I'd won a quarter of a million pounds.
How on earth did they get that emailadres?
It's the first spam, and I'm using that adress for four years now.
Well, it was from the largest beer factory in my country.
So I thought I'd better inform them this scam is doing rounds again. Then felt like telling how big of a help for my bagpipescarreer the money would be. LOL! That if in case they were considering to sponsor a bagpiper...
I had to give in to this mood...I had to. After yesterdays very bad day, and this stressful week.
Interesting is that an online friend is urging and pressing me for weeks now to dedicate a page on my site on asking for sponsors.
I declare this: ask-for-sponsoring-day and will make a page.
Jim is bringing Thami and Lars to a music festival. It's free, because it takes ages to go there.
I think the bands use it to test new songs.
The girls are playin with their friends.
Stef and Nyo are computering. So it's quiet here.
Jim doesn't take the time to get the fixation thing for the dryer, well, they haven't called it's in yet.. And I have told him I won't do the laundry before it's in. Hehe.
So I'll finish my "100 things about me". Well, it's finished, just needs the protectioncodes in.
And make the sponsorpage.
And then sit in the garden for a bit and have the sun watch me.
Monique gave me the next turn of the game: good and bad characteristics.
Here are mine...
Be aware: they're a grip out of many and not placed in order of importance.
good characteristics:
I'm forgiving
very loyal to friends
I'm very creative on different areas: music, ideas, solving problems, writing. design, reacting on unexpected situations
honest
I've got loads of humor
bad characteristics:
I'm very critical (which is positive at times too.)
I always try so hard to do things without help that I only want help when I'm completely exhausted, and then I'm too tired to ask, or people think I can do everything and think I'm making fun.
I always try to help others, even at my own expense.
I don't trust doctors.
I'm a perfectionist when it comes to music, graphics and such. But I can live perfectly well in an untidy house for some time.
friday 8 sept
Yesterday I asked Nyo over and over about his homework.
Today, early in the morning, he made it. Ofcourse loudly complaining he had to make homework... and needed help.
Jim came upstairs to tell me he had a problem with it and it was all my fault and the complete humbug of someone who doesn't want to invest some time in others. (He came home at 20.45 yesterday... don't know from where... I don't care if he has a new woman. He's willingly granted the permission to leave us here, as long as we can stay in the house and get the same amount of money to live. Our marriage ended more than 8 years ago.).
Well, I tried yesterday, offered Nyo support and help before dinner, and after, and everyone here knew that Nyo said he had nothing.
So they all fell over him and I'm sure he caught a train earlier than usual in his attempt to run away from the responsibility of acknowledging a mistake.
I got hold of Nyo just in time to have him wash himself, put on a new T-shirt, etc.
I had planned to go for bloodwork this morning (Diabetes check), but as there's no proper bike..
Instead I wrote a letter of complaint to the school of Stef, copies to the government, the organisation of the grants and such.
I don't have the patience anymore to first go to the person who's responsible, then to the head of the department, etc etc... climbing the ladder untill only secretaries and standard letters are available.
I just adressed it to the whole lot all in one. LOL!
Then send a letter of complaint to psychiatry.
It was ready a long time but I hesitated to involve the Prof and complaints commission, because it causes such stress. But I'm in enough stress as it is, so it was one letter to all those involved.
I bet they have something to talk about the next weeks.
I also wrote the head psychiatrist to ask for a re-evaluation of the GAF-score.
Hell, I'm a psychologist, I know what I'm talking about. Stef doesn't do anything at home, doesn't have friends, doesn't leave the house unless he feels he's under pressure (mainly from me...), doesn't shave, shower, dress in clean clothes, doesn't do anything, unless he's pressurised.
We have to do his administration.
He needs support for the rest of his life, so don't tell me he is fairly self-supporting.
So it's all done on one flow of big anger about beaurocracy and the whole lot.
Well... to be honest it was the only way to stay away from my emotions.
Lizzie and others compliment me for my site and ask me how I do it all.
But on "normal" days I have no other people to talk to than my nutty family.
I have no friends... Just one woman in the neighbourhood who asks me for coffee now and then, when she needs me.
The rest of my social life is dealing with problems of the kids.
And only on saturdays a bagpipe lesson and hopefully some superficial chatter with someone of the band.
So internet is the only way of having some normal human contact.
And I do enjoy contact with my online friends very much. If only I could meet them all.
(Hej, Oprah...read this! LOL!).
Working on something for the site is the only way not to do housekeeping or other things for others.
When I don't seem to be bussy Jim and the kids feel they can claim me.
So it's the only way to, in a way, care a bit for myself and to move my thoughts from everyday life.
thursday 7 sept
Early morning I went with Thami to the surgeon. (Pectus excavatum), and he said there was no need to operate, unless Thami himself wanted it for cosmetic reasons.
Which means we have to pay it ourselves.
We were shocked, because our own physician and the pediatric doc both said to prepare for an operation in january.
So we went through the whole lot for nothing and Thami keeps his deformed chest.
Ofcourse we can go for a second opinion, but it has to be in another town, as this was supposed to be the specialist in the area.
Got a call from the school from Stef.
They needed paperwork from psychiatry for the request for a subsidy tp pay for Stef's support at school.
It got me really angry.
They said the application had been send in at March. Then we got a mail at June 14th stating it had been send in... and now she says she can't as she doesn't have enough reports.
Stef had no support last year because of this, and completely messed up.
And we're now in exactly the same situation as the year before.
Lars had a talk at school and it turned out he had lied to us about being at school on monday.
I'm so sick dealing with all these puberty issues.
I thought we had a good relationship...
Well, the only good thing is that school will be keeping a closer eye on him.
The day ended with more pain in my hip.
I need a normal bycicle. Jim bought a second hand one two months ago, but it's crap.
It's a kind of sporting bike. With the steer far too far away from the saddle. And the paddles too far backwards.
Djenne likes it, and she had it with her to camp, without me knowing.
I found out yesterday evening that today I had to use her old bike, which is too little for me. It's a girls bike.
So I stampeded long enough to have Jim put back the saddle on "my" bike... but he didn't put it at the normal height.
Ofcourse I found out on my way to the busses.... And on my way back I could hardly move forward against the wind.
So I'm so much in pain I can't go to bagpipe lesson on saturday.....
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