Magick of Summer ... In Memoriam

In Memoriam

Two little girls that delivered me a message from another world.
How I wish I could have a glimpse from them, just to see them now.

Jenny was born on a hot summer's day and we spend all our time together till she died unexpectedly in my arms.
Resuscitation, rushing her to hospital, lots of medication... I was sure her spirit was gone already, as I'd felt it slip away.
She was my second baby and my first girl. She was beautiful and I always remember the blue color of her eyes, because it's reflected in the sky above the lake so often.

Between Winnie and Jenny 3 boys were born, and I miscarried 4 times, of which one time of twin girls.

I enjoyed Winnie's presence half a pregnancy.
She left me in her own special way during an asthma attack, leaving me with the gratefulness of having experienced her pure spirit.
A few days later her little body was born in my hands, and up till today I'm amazed that she had such perfect feet.

They're both not only part of my history, they're also part of my family as messengers from another world.

Like all those other people that were a part of my life and passed over.

Each miscarriage had it's own meaning.
Once a name came in my mind and it has stayed there ever since. I never mention it to other people, because it's not a custom here to have a name for children that died early in pregnancy.
Marijn was the name of one of the tiny children that made it's presence clear this way. He was a boy and his memory, how faint it is, makes me smile.

When the two tiny girls, Melody and Melany, had left me they had left their impression on my life, an impression that would last forever.
It was my fourth miscarriage and each of the tiny ones went in her own way.

All these children made me grow as a mother and made my other children more precious.
They all created their own place in my heart with a different feel for each.

Many people died in my life, and I miss them each in their own way.
My grandmother (father's mother) and my father were the most important persons, and I feel them near me often.

My gram made the base for the person I am today.
I was abused as a child and she taught me that there is always love to be found and that even a little time filled with precious love can make a person withstand the worst in life.
She gave me the world of books and writing, and she gave me the world of nature as homes to live in.
She brought happiness to my childhood, and now I'm getting older I'm finding more and more of her back in myself. I understand more and more of her lessons of life and it hurts we can't talk about them anymore.

My dad is in my voice at times, in my laughter. The way he approached life with his loyalty and trust in others has made me aware of some pittfalls.
Dad taught me to wait, to observe, to interconnect, to question myself, and to forgive and not to judge others.
He took me with him to england because he sensed the strong bond, and he taught me to sing, to make music and to trust the strong inner sense for improvisation.

Cancer made his life too short, but I felt homored to be able to help him during the last days, and to play a crucial role when he was dying.
He gave me even then a great gift. When I saw his spirit leave and his body live on for some time, I knew that my feelings about Jenny's death had been right and that she died in my arms.

I miss them all dearly and it's a pity that my children live without knowing them.
But I can tell the stories and I can tell their stories, and thus they live on in the stories of my children and in the choices they make.

These pages were made in 2003 or 2004.
The Memorial pages for my gram and dad were lost
when my sites were hacked and deleted.
But the above memorial pages are still there.

Graphics made by Bibben

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Codes by Dynamic Drive
Design and backgrounds by me.