AUTISM, SPECTRUM-DISORDERS AND MY FAMILY

When I studied psychology and took a special interest in autism I couldn't foresee I would have such a complex family.

I married a man who was rather silent, but I accepted it.
We worked a lot together at the university and we always had something to talk about.

When my first child was born he was hidden behind a camera, so I couldn't blame him for anything.

When my second child died I found out I was completely on my own with my emotions and grief.
He needed my support and I thought it was just my way of coping: comforting others.

Time went by.
Stef was growing fast and his development was OK, until he was about 2 years and got a serious infection.
He didn't seem to recover fully for weeks.
When we met the group of mothers and babies of his pregnancygroep again, he was not anymore one of the fastest developers.
Each time we gathered the difference in development between him and them was larger.
By the time he was three he walked like he had swallowed a broomstick, and he wasn't developing much social play.
But I was told that he just was a slow developer and all would be well.
Well, he loved trains and knew all the names of the cars. He was not stupid.

His brother, Lars, was born.
A happy baby, who was easy to handle and was content very fast.
Stef was eager to help me and all seemed to be well.
Except for the fact that the family told me I had to be a better mother, as Stef wasn't listening as well to my instructions as they expected.
As I had grown up in a very strict environment, I thought that love was far more important.

Lars was a bussy bee.
As a 2 year old he used to wake me up at 3 at night to ask me to play with him.
He didn't sleep much, but he was a child that loved to play with others, and he developed well. I was told I was worrying far too much.

As A baby Stef cried for hours on end when we were visiting other people, but Lars enjoyed it very much.
He accompanied me when I was babysitting and he just enjoyed it.

Thami arrived.
He was an energetic baby and he played with his brothers with the trains.

Life seemed to laugh and smile, but there was a current of worry: Stef was behind in social behaviour, and I tried to learn him, step by step.
Those who wanted me and my little ones as a visitor got us, just to teach Stef to get used to different houses and people, and different ways of behaviour.

School only complained about his motoric skills...

Nyo was born. He needed oxygen after birth and I had a good talk with the pediatrician, as I wanted him tested for rare antibodies.
Each boy that was born got yellow earlier and worse.
But the doc didn't want to listen.
The nurses did, but they couldn't do much either.

Soon I said that I thought he was autistic, but he was a very pretty baby and everyone told me things were OK.
He seemed to learn quite well, although I found myself telling him to look at me when I was talking to him and he was talking to me.
So he was tested if he had hearing problems after the doc saw me touch his chin to get his attention.
Ofcourse he didn't have hearing problems.

Things went rather well, as he was bright. But he had "temperattacks". Anger that seemed to jump in like he was bit by an animal, seemingly aimless, that could disappear as fast as it started.
It was controlled rather easy, and at school things went well.

When he got a bit older his teacher said he just needed some space at times, no need to get a psychiatrist involved.
But at home I felt like I was training behaviour, instead of helping a child to grow up.

Only when he got another teacher and the schoolprincipal got involved when he got angry, things got out of hand sometimes.
It turned out he didn't get the space he needed, and he was forced to participate in chaotic events.

I took him from school and homeschooled him. He became again the lovely boy he always had been.

Because homeschooling isn't allowed in our country I got psychiatry involved and he was diagnosed.


In the meantime the twins were born and I was amazed how different these children were from the boys.
They were so much more easy.

Thami got more problems at school.
Already when he was 6 I had told the teachers he was dyslectic, but non wanted to listen.
The same happened this time. I was told over and over again he should do his homework, whereas he was very conscientious and always put in a lot of effort.
I also expected him to be diagnosed as having ADHD.

As my experiences at psychiatry were positive, Thami was diagnosed as well.
In both cases the official diagnosis was the same as mine.

Seeing this Stef decided he wanted to be diagnosed as well. He had severe memory problems and contact problems.

It took a complete year at the adult department of psychiatry to get him diagnosed: ADD and Asperger Syndrome.

There are resemblances between the children. All three boys that are diagnosed are highly intelligent.
Thami and Stef have been diagnosed to have the same memory problems.
Both Thami and Djenne have dyslexia.
And there are minor resemblances.